Definition of WAIT. transitive verb. to stay in place in expectation of
I can tell this will be a common theme over the next several months. I'm waiting now for two things. First, I'm waiting to hear from my agency that my dossier is error free and ready to be translated. I should receive this news in the next few days. Crossing my fingers on the error free part.
Second, and more important, I'm on a few different waiting lists to be referred to my baby girl! This can happen any time even though my dossier is still being processed. Everyday I think about the chances of a mother walking through the doors of an orphanage and giving up her child. I'm eagerly waiting to find more out about her!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
A trip to find her...
Wow - so much has happened since I was last on here. I couldn't post much ahead of time because I don't like "the internet" knowing when I'll be out of the country.
Two weeks ago I made a special trip to Haiti. Prior to that, my main job was to complete all of my paperwork for the homestudy and dossier! I worked really hard on the paperwork..getting all of the appointments sooner rather than later...and collecting all the needed information. What a chore! Before my trip to Haiti, I only had to wait for a few items. Upon my return, I received my completed homestudy, the various police reports, and my psychologist exam report. Once I got those, I had to take them all to be notarized. Then my mom helped me take the big pile of documents to the secretary of state to be certified. What a process! I think after that, my mom and I spent a couple of hours just organizing all of the papers and copies to prepare to be sent in.
On 11/11/11, my dossier was received in Colorado by my agency! They said they will need 7-9 days to perform a critical review of the documents. I'm crossing my fingers that there are no errors.
I can now exhale...the burden of all the paperwork on my shoulders is now gone. I have officially hurried up to wait.
In the mean time, I still need to locate my future Haitian sensation! I had a business trip to Orlando recently and thanks to that trip, I hopped a cheap flight to Port-au-Prince. My good friend Bertony Domond received me in Port-au-Prince and was my host throughout my trip. So why did I go to Haiti? My agency is working with two orphanages. I'm 6th on the waiting list for an infant. Who knows how long it will take for a baby to come in. Also, I'm not a fan of my agency's policy for a required trip I have to make, stay with them, and use their services (which would cost me an additional $1500, when I can just meet them at the place and stay with my friend). If I don't use their orphanage, I don't have to argue with them over this unnecessary cost. So, I was motivated to find an orphanage of my own. Also, if I could locate a baby and complete my dossier, this process could get moving!
Going to Haiti for the seventh time was a good experience. I feel like an old pro at this point. Anti-malaria pills, check. Vaccines updated, check - in fact, I've got lifetime status on most of these!! Wet wipes, check. There were more Americans on this flight than I had ever seen on any previous trip. Many groups wore brightly colored, matching shirts explaining their mission. I had my own mission: my goal was to locate another few orphanages where I could put the word out that I am looking for a baby girl. I wanted to check out the conditions, meet the managers, and understand the cost. If possible, I wanted to actually find my daughter. I had from Tuesday evening to Sunday morning in PauP.
I came prepared. I printed cards with my picture, what age range I was looking for, and all of my contact information to give to each orphanage. This was in the hopes that they'd remember me and keep me on the waiting list as new babies arrived. I also came with a very very long list of IBESR approved orphanages. I tried to use my very nerdy brain power to map out the optimal route so I could maximize the number of orphanages seen and minimize the time required... but there aren't many good street maps of PauP. So, I handed the list to my friend Bertony and told him to pick whichever ones looked good to him. He's a human nav, very impressive.
PauP, like any big city, is divided in sections. So, he looked at the sheets and figured out what could be grouped together. I was thinking (as a typical dumb American) that we could see at least 5-10 per day if they were all in the same area.... Bertony said we could see 3 / day... um ok, guess I need to recalibrate my expectations. So, everyday Bertony would take his kids to school and then he and I would go on our mission. It was amazing how challenging it was. First of all, pre-earthquake addresses are not the same as post-earthquake addresses. So, by the time we actually got to an address many times, the orphanage was gone. Some buildings were condemned or just gone. Getting to these places was a major event. PauP knows no smooth roads... the roads are terrible. So, a place that takes 30 minutes for us to get to would easily take an hour and a half with traffic and road conditions. (Funny being from Carmel, IN, where we are famous for round-abouts.. I noticed a round-about that we went on..In the US, we yield to the car on the round-about.. In Haiti, everyone jumps in the round-about and just sit there in a major traffic jam.. honking at eachother. Add pedestrians to the mix and it get's pretty crazy) Apart from the road issues, the roads are not all marked, obviously there are no GPS services, and once you find the road, you might not find the building # you are looking for (not much is labeled well). Once we were looking for an orphanage and we stopped to ask someone, they pointed across a valley at a flag. "See that flag? It's there". We'll easier said than done... It looks so close, but you can't drive straight there! Many roads are undrivable and we ended up going in several circles to find the place. After all of that we actually ended up at a different orphanage than we originally intended.
So finding the orphanages was a BIG challenge... and it eliminated many from my long list. we actually tried finding them, calling them, and looking for them on the internet with no luck.
Then, of the ones we found, there was a certain percent that (I felt) looked at us like we were there to steal or do harm to the kids. Many would not give us ANY information about if they had babies. Even after I told them that I'm working with an agency and am preparing my dossier. No info. One very large, well-off orphanage told us to call someone for information. We called the number and the woman said they don't adopt. We really didn't understand this, but we moved on.
Others told me they'd give me information as soon as I filled out their application. "ok, I'm here, can I fill it out now?". "No, we don't have a hard copy". um ok... can we say run-around?
A few orphanages stood out on my trip.
There was one that was not on my list that Bertony knew about. We dropped in (which I'm sure they don't like). Immediately, the American woman said that they have no babies. I tried convincing her by telling her my credentials. I fit the adoption requirements, I have an agency, etc... She warmed up to us and told us the story of how she evacuated 70 children during the earthquake. What a crazy experience she went through. After that story, she then said, "well, I might just have one baby for you". So we walked upstairs to see a baby. She was the perfect age, 2 months old. I was introduced to her and upon the introduction, I got chills. She had one of my top 2 names! (which is amazing, considering all the Haitian names I've never even heard of). She had big eyes and chubby cheeks. Bertony and I both agreed she was a keeper. This orphanage experience was different than ones I had before. Before, I was able to go and pick up any child. This time, the woman was standing between the child an me. I felt like I couldn't just go and hold her. I also know that they are sensitive about taking pictures, so I didn't ask for one. In the end, the woman asked me to hold her and took a picture of her and me - said she'd email it to me (which she still hasn't). So, now let's talk business... cost.. timing. This orphanage does everything for non-profit reasons.. which is FANTASTIC. Total cost of orphanage / lawyer expenses is $8,500. One hitch... the baby was abandoned. What this means is that the Haitian government gives a mother 6 months to change her mind. So, the baby has to sit in an orphanage for 6 months until any paperwork can begin to be done. :( She wouldn't be ready to START until February. Then, it might take a couple of months to get her birth certificate and other papers / tests. She'd be 8 months. Then add the Haitian government processing time (9 months - 1.5 years?) and she'd be 2 years old. wow. I was hoping for a younger baby than that. So, we continued the search, but planted the seed at this orphanage.
Another orphanage that I went to last year and was very impressed with was on my list. So, Bertony took me to another city (2 hr drive) where we went with hopes of seeing a baby. This baby was ready, her mother had signed her over already and all I would need is my dossier to be done and we could start! A few weeks prior, Bertony saw the orphanage owner who told him that he could adopt a baby to me for $10,000. I went to that orphanage with the hopes of negotiating based on the non-profit place I saw earlier. They, of course, put the cute baby in my arms.. and we begin to talk the difficult details.. money and timing. Well, the new cost is $11,000. what?? so, it changed from 2 weeks ago? It immediately made me think that they were just playing around with my emotions and trying to get more money from me because they know I'm serious. Also, if I started the process with them, would they raise the price half way through the process? I'm willing to pay for the service of taking care of the baby and the attorney fee, but I felt like that was just purely raising the price to profit. I won't support that. So, both Bertony and I agreed that I shouldn't adopt from them.
We went to another place where they had another baby girl. After I emailed the folks who deal with the financial side of the operation, I learned that they want $15,000. I couldn't believe it. I'm trying to do a good thing by helping someone in need... and here these people are profiting... What are they feeding these babies that it costs $15,000??
Another disappointment was going to the Missionaries of Charity (the group of sisters that Mother Teresa started). I've always admired them for their work with the poor. Last year I went there and volunteered my time. After traveling there, I found the right nun to talk with. I told her how I'm Catholic and would like to support a Catholic organization. She proceeded to tell me how they don't have what I'm looking for, but even if they did, they wouldn't adopt to me. As a single person, I would not be able to provide a properly balanced environment for a child. Interesting, I thought. I heard the Creole words, "Manje and dlo", "food and water" more than ever at that location. Wouldn't it be better for a single person to at least provide basic needs to a child?? I bit my tongue and didn't say what I really wanted to say... after all, she's a nun. I commented that it's a shame, because I'm a Catholic in good standing and would have really liked to support a Catholic organization, but would have to take my money elsewhere. After my friend Bertony said to me "how can they say that, ALL of those nus are single and they are raising those kids!??". ha. true. I completely disagree with their viewpoints. I've known many married couples who have dead beat dads or very successful business men who are completely uninvolved with their families. Would that situation be better? I think not. I don't disagree that having 2 loving, caring, involved parents is better than one. But one is better than none. So my search continues.
In the evenings, I had a great time at Bertony's house. I got spoiled. He made sure I had plenty of American food.. we'd stop at the grocery almost every day. PauP electricity comes on at unpredictable times and even though you have a fridge, you can't guarantee that the food will stay frozen or cold so we had to go to the grocery stores often (which are a hoot because there is always an armed guard outside of them). I enjoyed spending time with his family. He has 2 children, Ketnie who turned 8 while I was there and Christopher who is 1.5 years. Ketnie was my hair training doll. I got lots of "how to do hair" lessons from the women in the house and poor Ketnie was the model. Christopher was a good reminder for me of what an 18 month old baby is like. I imagine after all is said and done, I'd have an 18 month old - 2 year old. He warmed up to me quickly. We chased eachother around the house. He learned how to play with my ipad. I had good times with the family. I told Ketnie that she will officially be my daughter's aunt someday. She'll have to come spend a summer with me and bring some Haitian culture / influence into my daughter's life. Her eyes lit up when I told her that.
I also got the chance to see a few friends. I've known some friends from Haiti for over 15 years. It's great to catch up with them and see where they are in life. I feel like a big sister. I have to check up on them and make sure they are ok. I was so happy to find out that they were alive after the quake and expect that we'll stay connected the rest of our lives.
I really couldn't see any progress since the earthquake. I read a statistic that still 600,000 people are living in tent cities. All of the same tent cities that I saw where still there... unfortunately. Bertony told me that the tents are only good for about a year. So, some had new tents, how nice.. I just can't imagine. I'd take a nice, clean, shower in Bertony's house and for a split second turn into the spoiled American thinking how I wish there was A/C in his house. Why bother showering if you're just going to sweat immediately after you shower? Then, I'd run in front of the fan he graciously put in my room. How would it be to live in a tent? The heat must be intolerable. No bed. No kitchen. No running water. No toilet. No shower. No electricity. It's hard to come back and be un appreciative for what we have.
So, my mission to Haiti was completed. If I knew what I'd go through, how hard it was to find the places, and the results I received, I'd still do it again. I told myself upfront, I'm just putting the word out. If I happen to find her, great. If not, she could come anytime through one of the "seeds that I've planted". I learned, once again, how hard life is in Haiti. I saw many orphanages. Most have mobs of 2-5 year old kids who KNOW what you're there for. They come up and grab your hand.. sit on your lap..etc.. anything to get attention or to be taken home. It's a very sad situation. Hopefully someday soon, there will be one less in those orphanages.
I made some good contacts, learned a lot, but the search for my haitian sensation continues!
Na we pita! (see you later!)
Two weeks ago I made a special trip to Haiti. Prior to that, my main job was to complete all of my paperwork for the homestudy and dossier! I worked really hard on the paperwork..getting all of the appointments sooner rather than later...and collecting all the needed information. What a chore! Before my trip to Haiti, I only had to wait for a few items. Upon my return, I received my completed homestudy, the various police reports, and my psychologist exam report. Once I got those, I had to take them all to be notarized. Then my mom helped me take the big pile of documents to the secretary of state to be certified. What a process! I think after that, my mom and I spent a couple of hours just organizing all of the papers and copies to prepare to be sent in.
On 11/11/11, my dossier was received in Colorado by my agency! They said they will need 7-9 days to perform a critical review of the documents. I'm crossing my fingers that there are no errors.
I can now exhale...the burden of all the paperwork on my shoulders is now gone. I have officially hurried up to wait.
In the mean time, I still need to locate my future Haitian sensation! I had a business trip to Orlando recently and thanks to that trip, I hopped a cheap flight to Port-au-Prince. My good friend Bertony Domond received me in Port-au-Prince and was my host throughout my trip. So why did I go to Haiti? My agency is working with two orphanages. I'm 6th on the waiting list for an infant. Who knows how long it will take for a baby to come in. Also, I'm not a fan of my agency's policy for a required trip I have to make, stay with them, and use their services (which would cost me an additional $1500, when I can just meet them at the place and stay with my friend). If I don't use their orphanage, I don't have to argue with them over this unnecessary cost. So, I was motivated to find an orphanage of my own. Also, if I could locate a baby and complete my dossier, this process could get moving!
Going to Haiti for the seventh time was a good experience. I feel like an old pro at this point. Anti-malaria pills, check. Vaccines updated, check - in fact, I've got lifetime status on most of these!! Wet wipes, check. There were more Americans on this flight than I had ever seen on any previous trip. Many groups wore brightly colored, matching shirts explaining their mission. I had my own mission: my goal was to locate another few orphanages where I could put the word out that I am looking for a baby girl. I wanted to check out the conditions, meet the managers, and understand the cost. If possible, I wanted to actually find my daughter. I had from Tuesday evening to Sunday morning in PauP.
I came prepared. I printed cards with my picture, what age range I was looking for, and all of my contact information to give to each orphanage. This was in the hopes that they'd remember me and keep me on the waiting list as new babies arrived. I also came with a very very long list of IBESR approved orphanages. I tried to use my very nerdy brain power to map out the optimal route so I could maximize the number of orphanages seen and minimize the time required... but there aren't many good street maps of PauP. So, I handed the list to my friend Bertony and told him to pick whichever ones looked good to him. He's a human nav, very impressive.
PauP, like any big city, is divided in sections. So, he looked at the sheets and figured out what could be grouped together. I was thinking (as a typical dumb American) that we could see at least 5-10 per day if they were all in the same area.... Bertony said we could see 3 / day... um ok, guess I need to recalibrate my expectations. So, everyday Bertony would take his kids to school and then he and I would go on our mission. It was amazing how challenging it was. First of all, pre-earthquake addresses are not the same as post-earthquake addresses. So, by the time we actually got to an address many times, the orphanage was gone. Some buildings were condemned or just gone. Getting to these places was a major event. PauP knows no smooth roads... the roads are terrible. So, a place that takes 30 minutes for us to get to would easily take an hour and a half with traffic and road conditions. (Funny being from Carmel, IN, where we are famous for round-abouts.. I noticed a round-about that we went on..In the US, we yield to the car on the round-about.. In Haiti, everyone jumps in the round-about and just sit there in a major traffic jam.. honking at eachother. Add pedestrians to the mix and it get's pretty crazy) Apart from the road issues, the roads are not all marked, obviously there are no GPS services, and once you find the road, you might not find the building # you are looking for (not much is labeled well). Once we were looking for an orphanage and we stopped to ask someone, they pointed across a valley at a flag. "See that flag? It's there". We'll easier said than done... It looks so close, but you can't drive straight there! Many roads are undrivable and we ended up going in several circles to find the place. After all of that we actually ended up at a different orphanage than we originally intended.
So finding the orphanages was a BIG challenge... and it eliminated many from my long list. we actually tried finding them, calling them, and looking for them on the internet with no luck.
Then, of the ones we found, there was a certain percent that (I felt) looked at us like we were there to steal or do harm to the kids. Many would not give us ANY information about if they had babies. Even after I told them that I'm working with an agency and am preparing my dossier. No info. One very large, well-off orphanage told us to call someone for information. We called the number and the woman said they don't adopt. We really didn't understand this, but we moved on.
Others told me they'd give me information as soon as I filled out their application. "ok, I'm here, can I fill it out now?". "No, we don't have a hard copy". um ok... can we say run-around?
A few orphanages stood out on my trip.
There was one that was not on my list that Bertony knew about. We dropped in (which I'm sure they don't like). Immediately, the American woman said that they have no babies. I tried convincing her by telling her my credentials. I fit the adoption requirements, I have an agency, etc... She warmed up to us and told us the story of how she evacuated 70 children during the earthquake. What a crazy experience she went through. After that story, she then said, "well, I might just have one baby for you". So we walked upstairs to see a baby. She was the perfect age, 2 months old. I was introduced to her and upon the introduction, I got chills. She had one of my top 2 names! (which is amazing, considering all the Haitian names I've never even heard of). She had big eyes and chubby cheeks. Bertony and I both agreed she was a keeper. This orphanage experience was different than ones I had before. Before, I was able to go and pick up any child. This time, the woman was standing between the child an me. I felt like I couldn't just go and hold her. I also know that they are sensitive about taking pictures, so I didn't ask for one. In the end, the woman asked me to hold her and took a picture of her and me - said she'd email it to me (which she still hasn't). So, now let's talk business... cost.. timing. This orphanage does everything for non-profit reasons.. which is FANTASTIC. Total cost of orphanage / lawyer expenses is $8,500. One hitch... the baby was abandoned. What this means is that the Haitian government gives a mother 6 months to change her mind. So, the baby has to sit in an orphanage for 6 months until any paperwork can begin to be done. :( She wouldn't be ready to START until February. Then, it might take a couple of months to get her birth certificate and other papers / tests. She'd be 8 months. Then add the Haitian government processing time (9 months - 1.5 years?) and she'd be 2 years old. wow. I was hoping for a younger baby than that. So, we continued the search, but planted the seed at this orphanage.
Another orphanage that I went to last year and was very impressed with was on my list. So, Bertony took me to another city (2 hr drive) where we went with hopes of seeing a baby. This baby was ready, her mother had signed her over already and all I would need is my dossier to be done and we could start! A few weeks prior, Bertony saw the orphanage owner who told him that he could adopt a baby to me for $10,000. I went to that orphanage with the hopes of negotiating based on the non-profit place I saw earlier. They, of course, put the cute baby in my arms.. and we begin to talk the difficult details.. money and timing. Well, the new cost is $11,000. what?? so, it changed from 2 weeks ago? It immediately made me think that they were just playing around with my emotions and trying to get more money from me because they know I'm serious. Also, if I started the process with them, would they raise the price half way through the process? I'm willing to pay for the service of taking care of the baby and the attorney fee, but I felt like that was just purely raising the price to profit. I won't support that. So, both Bertony and I agreed that I shouldn't adopt from them.
We went to another place where they had another baby girl. After I emailed the folks who deal with the financial side of the operation, I learned that they want $15,000. I couldn't believe it. I'm trying to do a good thing by helping someone in need... and here these people are profiting... What are they feeding these babies that it costs $15,000??
Another disappointment was going to the Missionaries of Charity (the group of sisters that Mother Teresa started). I've always admired them for their work with the poor. Last year I went there and volunteered my time. After traveling there, I found the right nun to talk with. I told her how I'm Catholic and would like to support a Catholic organization. She proceeded to tell me how they don't have what I'm looking for, but even if they did, they wouldn't adopt to me. As a single person, I would not be able to provide a properly balanced environment for a child. Interesting, I thought. I heard the Creole words, "Manje and dlo", "food and water" more than ever at that location. Wouldn't it be better for a single person to at least provide basic needs to a child?? I bit my tongue and didn't say what I really wanted to say... after all, she's a nun. I commented that it's a shame, because I'm a Catholic in good standing and would have really liked to support a Catholic organization, but would have to take my money elsewhere. After my friend Bertony said to me "how can they say that, ALL of those nus are single and they are raising those kids!??". ha. true. I completely disagree with their viewpoints. I've known many married couples who have dead beat dads or very successful business men who are completely uninvolved with their families. Would that situation be better? I think not. I don't disagree that having 2 loving, caring, involved parents is better than one. But one is better than none. So my search continues.
In the evenings, I had a great time at Bertony's house. I got spoiled. He made sure I had plenty of American food.. we'd stop at the grocery almost every day. PauP electricity comes on at unpredictable times and even though you have a fridge, you can't guarantee that the food will stay frozen or cold so we had to go to the grocery stores often (which are a hoot because there is always an armed guard outside of them). I enjoyed spending time with his family. He has 2 children, Ketnie who turned 8 while I was there and Christopher who is 1.5 years. Ketnie was my hair training doll. I got lots of "how to do hair" lessons from the women in the house and poor Ketnie was the model. Christopher was a good reminder for me of what an 18 month old baby is like. I imagine after all is said and done, I'd have an 18 month old - 2 year old. He warmed up to me quickly. We chased eachother around the house. He learned how to play with my ipad. I had good times with the family. I told Ketnie that she will officially be my daughter's aunt someday. She'll have to come spend a summer with me and bring some Haitian culture / influence into my daughter's life. Her eyes lit up when I told her that.
I also got the chance to see a few friends. I've known some friends from Haiti for over 15 years. It's great to catch up with them and see where they are in life. I feel like a big sister. I have to check up on them and make sure they are ok. I was so happy to find out that they were alive after the quake and expect that we'll stay connected the rest of our lives.
I really couldn't see any progress since the earthquake. I read a statistic that still 600,000 people are living in tent cities. All of the same tent cities that I saw where still there... unfortunately. Bertony told me that the tents are only good for about a year. So, some had new tents, how nice.. I just can't imagine. I'd take a nice, clean, shower in Bertony's house and for a split second turn into the spoiled American thinking how I wish there was A/C in his house. Why bother showering if you're just going to sweat immediately after you shower? Then, I'd run in front of the fan he graciously put in my room. How would it be to live in a tent? The heat must be intolerable. No bed. No kitchen. No running water. No toilet. No shower. No electricity. It's hard to come back and be un appreciative for what we have.
So, my mission to Haiti was completed. If I knew what I'd go through, how hard it was to find the places, and the results I received, I'd still do it again. I told myself upfront, I'm just putting the word out. If I happen to find her, great. If not, she could come anytime through one of the "seeds that I've planted". I learned, once again, how hard life is in Haiti. I saw many orphanages. Most have mobs of 2-5 year old kids who KNOW what you're there for. They come up and grab your hand.. sit on your lap..etc.. anything to get attention or to be taken home. It's a very sad situation. Hopefully someday soon, there will be one less in those orphanages.
I made some good contacts, learned a lot, but the search for my haitian sensation continues!
Na we pita! (see you later!)
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